problems in my life rite now...

1. my mom threatening to write a letter to the principal of stuy

2. my mom threatening to send me back to china

3. friends coming to me for help in the first place and den just block me  aka not understanding me

4. banned from the phone/internet/TV ( in the library rite now)

5. getting hit at least once in two days with some sort of 'weapon' e.g. stick, handbag, potatoes etc (she throws them at me)

things to look forward to.....

1. getting back to school and seeing all my friends

2. getting some teeny allowance wen school starts and be able to buy stuff i want

3. getting into all city band for clarinet

4. volunteering in the Queens hospital

5. GETTING OUT OF THE HOUSE

sigh....never thought she would block me from her xanga....i dunt noe....if i'm rite...for doing wut i've done...buh i really couldn't think of anything better and i couldn't help the way i felt about this whole thing... first she calls me up complaining about her hard life juggling between her best friend and her boyfriend...i tried to help her figure out the best way out there.... and i believe i did....buh i DID tell her dat w/e choice she makes between dem....it's not my decision and she doesn't have to come to me afterwards and complain to me about the consequences.... buh she still came to be rite after and said how she couldn't let her boyfriend go and she still likes him and stuff....den i dunt noe why she starts avoiding and ignoring him....totally.....makes me remember the first time i met her in art class in 7th grade......she was as cold as ice and she just left me dere wen i didn't noe a thing and went to sit with this other girl....it's bad memories....and i choose to forget it....and i actually did...after we became good friends....i sorta threw those stuff out the window....buh den now she's at it aqen....

honestly speaking....i wasn't feeling dat bad in the beginning....wen she first told me about all her ignoring and avoiding stuff...cuz first of all...i dunt noe her boyfriend...and i can't feel dat much sympathy for someone i dunt noe...even tho i DID feel bad for him.....definitely....second....i dunt really dunt 100% of wut happened.....as a matter of fact...i just knew w/e she told me... and dats basically half of the story...and from my past experiences....you can't judge just from dat.....so i let it slide....i just tried to make her feel better and tried to talk to her and let her spill her feelings out....cuz i noe dat usually helps.....buh den one day she invited both her boyfriend and me to the same chat room and den she left it....cuz she had this trouble with her mouse.....den her boyfriend was really upset and he started talking about her ignoring his ims and calls....i dunt noe why i started talking to him.....maybe i shoulda just ignored his complaints...buh i couldn't...after wut happened recent in MY life.....i couldn't stand just watching someone suffer through the whole thing and not bother....so i talked to him and we exchanged names and schools.....den he drew to the conclusion dat i knew her really well....since she kept on talking to me online and ignoring HIS ims....so den he asked me for help.... and why she was ignoring him.....i felt really bad then......really really bad.....up until now....i couldn't exactly describe how i felt right at dat moment.....is it sympathy? is it sadness? or is it both?...i can't tell......so den i started persuading her to talk to him....or at least pick up his calls and answer his ims....buh she refused......i really dunt understand her.....on this part...it's my fault cuz it's definitely my DUTY to understand her....buh i failed...actually...i've been persuading her to talk to him ever since they broke up.....and i remember dat time i went to her house to see her after she got injured by a car....i was up in her room and dat's all we talked about....in the end we both got really worked up and her sister thought we were fighting.....i noe it's not suppose to turn out this way.....buh i hope someone in this world will understand my feeling about broken hearts...i dunt use to feel this way towards people getting hurt over relationships...buh now i do....i really do...

i still dunt noe wut led me onto this track... and wut exactly happened to break our friendship....buh i really can't help the way i feel.....i can't help feeling bad for him....and wanting to help him......i mean....i even tried to help people that hurt me a million times .... she almost made me cry like twice....buh wen she got hurt from my friend ... i tried my best to help her....even tho she didn't really appreciated wut i did for her....buh at least i dunt feel guilty for just watching her getting hurt......i'm confused.....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me, Jessie, and Whitney went to movies after school today. we invited Courtney too buh she couldn't make it. :(  so we got to da theater at like 1 o' clock and caught KING ARTHUR at 1:05. finished da movie at around 3:10 and caught Cinderella Story just in time. aren't we right on da money? lol. King Arther was a great movie in da sense dat it had a good plot buh it was a little bit too bloody for me. i'm more of a romantic comedy person. not a violent one. so Cinderella Story was just right for our appetite after King Arthur. it was a really touching and provocative movie. buh in some parts, it sounded TOO much like the real cinderella story, which is kinda boring. buh the whole realists family and social probs dat a girl faces in today's world sorta made it tons more appealing.

neeways. we finished da movies at like 5. and went to the park to hang out. Jessie taught Whitney to play da flute. and she's so good!!!!! much better den me!!! i can't even make a sound on a flute. guess the clarinet is just too different from a flute in terms of positioning and stuff like dat. and i'm so used to a clarinet. got to flushing at 7. went to the YMCA and got on da tread mill for like 30 mins. exercising is good!!!! usually i swim a little too. buh dats cut for today. cuz it's JESSIE'S BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!

parents were just yelling at me for going to the YMCA and coming home late (at like 8). AND then getting on the computer. even tho they dunt really noe dat i'm on the internet since i alwasy minimize it wen they come in. buh oh wells. the plumbers are here to fix our sink. so i dunt think they'll pay any attention to me rite now. so i have like around 30 mins or so more to myself.

Being busy lately. Going to da band program in da morning. and hang out wif frends/swim at da YMCA in da afternoon. buh i'm trying to satisfy ma parents by memorizing SAT words and studying chem just hoping dat they'll lay dere hands off me. buh apparently it's not working so far. oh wells, i'm happy with other things in life. like frends and school. i'm immuned to all these troubles dat i've been getting for the past 15 year. i noe i haven't been through much yet and there's still more to come, buh w/e i had b4, i've dealt with them fine (at least physically).

i just went shopping last weekend after agreeing to do all da chores in da house (e.g. dishes, vacuuming, laundry, etc.) dats within ma range. so i got some new clothes (dats redundant) and i'm happiiii!!!!!!

have fun guys!!!!!!!! i tried to return all ur props and read ur entries. buh in case i forgot anyone. i'm sorriiii. ma parents just wouldn't leave me alone. and i HAVE to obey them. cuz they threaten me with ma future dat i've being fighting 15 years for. and everytime i fight, i dunt gain anything buh lose more. so i've given up. all i want to do now is to live an ok life. if dats within ma reach.

g2g the plumber just left..